


Teen suicide: don’t do it

by bevsmrsh



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Abuse Mentions, Aro/Ace Mike, Bev is a little bit of a junkie tbqh, Bevs coming out party, Drug Use, Drug dealer richie, Eating Disorders, F/M, Gay Eddie, Gay Stan, Georgie is ALIVE, Group chat, I don’t think so at least, M/M, Mention of Eating Disorders, Modern AU, Multi, Open Relationships, Pennywise is like??? Just a really really lame myth that they all make fun of, Poly Ben Bev and Bill, Poly/bi but ace ben, Polyamory, Rape mentions eventually probably, Some of the ships are VERY SLIGHT, Stick n pokes, Stoner Richie, There’s a bj in the second chapter, Underage Drinking, adhd richie, alcoholic richie, all of them are poor as shit, bev is an icon and is very artistic??? In a non conventional way???, bi/poly bev, bi/poly richie, bill has ADD and is popping adderall w richie, bill is boutta go to art school boys, but its all just them texting afterwards so everything is just mentioned, drug dealer Patrick hocksetter, even if they aren’t specifically poly they’re all cool with it, everyone is ranging from mildly to severely drugged out at all times, i m e a n she’s v provocative but it’s one of her many talents and some people don’t appreciate it, mentions of slut shaming?, mild drug abuse, mild homophobia mentions?, mostly straight bill but kinda bi, richie will do anything to get his drugs lmao, sexual abuse mentions, shes very much a party girl, smut mentions?, smut?, stan has a lot of breakdowns, stan has to save richie a lot, suicical richie, suicide attempt mentions, tags will be added as needed, theres no like graphic depictions of anything, uhhh, vaguely suicidal stan, whens the last time richie ate???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevsmrsh/pseuds/bevsmrsh
Summary: The kids are in a group chat and they discuss lots of things that go on in their final year of high school





	1. remember that time you wanted to die?

**Author's Note:**

> Fully edited boys KILLME IF YOU WANT IM READY FOR IT im so tired of working on that shitshow abt shakespeare honestly its just annoying also hi my tumblr is bevsmrsh pls excuse anything that ISNT it bc i have some STUFF going on

_**trashmouth** >>> **spaghetti boi** (11:45 pm)_

**trashmouth** : i dont know who the fuck you think you are but the true crime seasons are waaaaay better than the supernatural ones

 **trashmouth** : the only exception to the rule is when they do the alien episodes

 **spaghetti boi** : you’re just saying that because you don’t believe in ghosts

 **trashmouth** : _[gasp.jpg]_

 **trashmouth** : that is BLASPHEMY whore!!! ive lived in this fucking town long enough to know what the fuck a ghost is like

 **trashmouth** : this place is cursed or some shit

 **spaghetti boi** : if I tweet Ryan do you think they’d come here

 **trashmouth** : ben would shit himself if he got to stand within a hundred miles of shane

 **trashmouth** : so tweet at your own discretion

 **trashmouth** : itd be nice to meet someone whos taller than me though

 **trashmouth** : imtired of you tiny TWINKS making me feel like im fifty feet tall

 **spaghetti boi** : Stan’s, like, an inch shorter than you

 **trashmouth** : staniel is three inches shorter than me and honestly??? imoffended you didnt notice

 **trashmouth** : also he wears dad shoes

 **spaghetti boi** : you wore light up shoes from the mall for two years before you bought your Docs!

 **spaghetti boi** : this isn’t your place to call people out

 **trashmouth** : those shoes were the best fucking thing that ever happened to me

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (11:52 pm)_

 **titty toucher #1** : unpopular opinion here: charles manson has me d r i p p i n g

 _ **Jesus was gay** has removed **titty toucher #1** from the cha_ t

 **high AND suicidal :)** : ben control your girlfriend she’s too chaotic to be ruining my beans like this

 **titty toucher #2** : its kill or be killed out here in the real world RICHIE ill never die

 **high AND suicidal :)** : you’re gonna make stan suicidal again you dumb whore get o f F of bens phone

 **Jesus was gay** : When did I stop being suicidal?

 **titty toucher #2** : add me back PUSSIES

_**horsefucker69** added **bev!!** to the chat_

_**bev!!** has changed their name to **wowen wilson**_

**asthma is homophobic** : is it 2016 bev vine is dead let it stay dead

 **wowen wilson** : gods dont die

 **high AND suicidal :)** : when did bev replace me what the fuck is that even legal im telling my mom

 **high AND suicidal :)** : i just remembered that mom doesnt know where i am nvm

 **Jesus was gay** : Wow.

 **horsefucker69** : when did my name get changed to horsefucker69 who did this Bill call the cops

 **high AND suicidal :)** : mike we did it because you need help

 **high AND suicidal :)** : no one should have THAT MANY horse posters in their room unless theyve been dead since they were 11

 **high AND suicidal :)** : also your homestuck phase we all know you wanted to fuck the blue one

_**horsefucker69** has changed their name to **mike!!**_

**average dicky** : we just witnessed a murder

 **wowen wilson** : RICHIE STOP BEING SUCH AN ARIES

 **high AND suicidal :)** : rIcHiE sToP bEiNg SuCh An ArIeS

 **wowen wilson** : eat my entire ass

 **high AND suicidal :)** : anytime sweaty ;;;PPPPPP

 **Jesus was gay** : Richie’s the reason I tried to kill myself over the break.

 **asthma is homophobic** : mood

_**high AND suicidal :)** has left the chat_

**wowen wilson** : YOU BROKE RICHIE AGAIN F U C K

  
_**trashmouth** >>> **spaghetti boi** (12:34 pm)_

 **trashmouth** : when my comedic timing is understood is the day I’ll die

  
_**bevelicious** >>> **bitchie** (12:34 pm)_

 **bevelicious** : so

 **bitchie** : so?

 **bevelicious** : i was just walking home from bens holding hands w boyfriend#2 and gRETTA FUCKING K E E N E decides that she needs to go out of her way to lean out of a car and tell me that im a slut

 **bevelicious** : like???? bitch i already know get off my dick thx sm????? and its hot as helllll out here rn yknow so there i was in that cute crop top we got??? w those overalls ive had since i was like ten??????? and this bitch has the AUDACITY to call me a slut bc im holding hands w my boyfriend??????? shes literally three beers in standing in the back of a shitty pickup truck and IM the trashy one??????

 **bitchie** : im calling the police rn theyre on their way

 **bevelicious** : thnx sm bff ily

 **bevelicious** : sorry i just got bitter lmao i had to hold bill back he was abt tgo fight her i love boyfriend#2 sm :’))))))

  
_**dick cheney made money of the iraq war** (12:50 pm)_

_**wowen wilson** has added **high AND suicidal :)** to the chat_

_**wowen wilson** has changed their name to **bev!!**_

**bev!!** : fu c k

 **asthma is homophobic** : ??

 **bev!!** : boyfriend#2 smoK E S NOW??????

 **asthma is homophobic** : !!!!!!!!!

 **Jesus was gay** : Why would you let him do this to himself?

 **bev!!** : its not MY F AUKT STNALEY

 **mike!!** : stnaley

 **bev!!** : NOTTHETIM E M I K E

 **titty toucher #2** : id just like to say that i (boyfriend#1) do not smoke

 **asthma is homophobic** : where the fuck even are you????? does he know youre telling us??????? i thought you were with ben???????

 **bev!!** : im walking home w him from bens and we just stopped @ grettas dads store so i could buy a drink and i just watched this boY STEAL CIGARETTES W MY OWN TWO EYES IM PROUD AND UPSET @ THE SAME TIME

 **asthma is homophobic** : fucking straights........... always trying to impress each other

 **bev!!** : update: wow forget charles manson boyfriend#2 smoking is what makes me drip

 **titty toucher #2** : im breaking up with both of you

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (4:36 pm)_

 **high AND suicidal :)** : fuck i forgot to take my meds

_**high AND suicidal :)** has changed their name to rich!!_

**bev!!** : fuCKI N G T A K E I T DUMBASS

 **Jesus was gay** : Isn’t it kind of late to take it though? You’ll be up for hours.

 **rich!!** : stan my man ill be fine i do this all the time

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (3:15 am)_

 **rich!!** : do you ever just,,,,,,,,,,, feel empty????

 **rich!!** : like you feel like everything would be way better if you just didnt exist?????????

 **rich!!** : god im sad rn

 **rich!!** : me????? chugging my moms mexican tequila w a bunch of adderall before my late night swim?????????????????? its more likely than you think

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (3:43 am)_

 **rich!!** : hasta la vista bitches daddys gonna die

 **rich!!** : play abba @ my funeral

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (8:32 am)_

 **Jesus was gay** : Richie??? Are you okay?

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (8:33 am)_

 **Manley Stanley** : Richie?

 **Manley Stanley** : Richie what the fuck.

 **Manley Stanley** : Richie are you okay?

 **Manley Stanley** : Fuck.

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (10:53 am)_

 **bev!!** : sorry ive had a dick in my mouth for most of the morning what happened

 **bev!!** : oh f u c k

  
_You have a missed call from **Bev** (10:54 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Manley Stanley** (10:56 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Bev** (10:58 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Bev** (11:01 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Bev** (11:02 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Bev** (11:03 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Manley Stanley** (11:10 am)_

_You have a missed call from **Bev** (12:00 pm)_

_You have a missed call from **spaghetti boi** (12:30 pm)_

  
_**dick cheney made money off the iraq war** (12:33 pm)_

 **rich!!** : i lived bitch

 **bev!!** : what the FUCK richie???????? i broke in through your fucking window and youre not home where the fuck are you

 **rich!!** : uhhhhhhhh the quarry

 **asthma is homophobic** : why the fuck

 **rich!!** : honestly??? i WAS trying to kill myself and i was also REALLY high but i guess im too skinny to sink???? so i just washed up on shore

 **rich!!** : i passed the fuck out lmao

 **average dicky** : georgie said hes gonna kick ur ass

 **rich!!** : let him i need to feel alive

 **titty toucher #2** : richie come to the bridge pls im already here w stan to

 **titty toucher #2** : stan made a break for it my bad

 **titty toucher #2** : okay well im here to pick you up

 **rich!!** : hes running towards me as we speak dont worry i can see him

_**bev!!** changed the chat name to **teen suicide: dont do it!**_

**average dicky** : is that,,,, really appropriate right now bev

 **bev!!** : why are you texting me im literally three feet away from you

 **average dicky** : i want to show richie that im here too

  
_**teen** **suicide: dont do it!** (12:50 pm)_

 **rich!!** : update: im @ stans, im in love w stan, and stan is a rly good kisser

_**Jesus was gay** has changed their name to **Stan**_

**Stan** : all of those things are true

 **bev!!** : do i also need to kiss richie to make him less suicidal

 **rich!!** : i mean

 **average dicky** : no

 **titty toucher #2** : for the good of the cause

 **average dicky** : the answer is no

 **bev!!** : you cant hold me down with you labels old man

 **average dicky** : BEVERLY

 **bev!!** : bEvErLy

 **asthma is homophobic** : i also volunteer to kiss richie to make him less suicidal

 **rich!!** : stan said youre all allowed to come over and kiss me to make me less suicidal

 **average dicky** : great so im gonna be the one to try killing myself next

 **bev!!** : wilLIAM YOUR DICK WAS I N S I D E OF M E LESS THAN 10 HOURS AGO SIT THE FUCK DOWN

 **titty toucher #2** : gross

 **asthma is homophobic** : mmmmm,,,,,,,, hetero drama in my garden,,,,,,,,,,,, be gone snake

_**asthma is homophobic** has removed **average dicky** from the chat_

**rich!!** : i love my boys AND girl sm :’^)


	2. i live in that memory everyday

_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (1:13 am)_

**bev!!** : holy SHIT okay so i just got back from grettas party yknow bc im a bitch and liketo show up to shit when im not invited

 **bev!!** : and while i was there i found out that everyone in her fucking friend group is literally too old to be around us and is also like twelve so we played spin the bottle/seven minutes in heaven???? idk my life is turning into everything sucks (yOU STILL NEED TO WATCH THAT RICHIE)

 **Stan** : Why are we still using this chat it had finally gone silent for a day and a half I was almost in the clear.

 **bev!!** : shut up stan

 **asthma is homophobic** : yeah shut up stan

_**titty toucher #2** has added **average dicky** to the chat_

**bev!!** : why would you do this to me

 **titty toucher #2** : he needs to know we need cons E N T Beverly

 **bev!!** : okay well ANYWAYS so there i was with all the lame ass theatre kids from derry community college high as hellllll

 **bev!!** : everything was all good and fresh shishtas UNTIL the bottle thing landed on gRE T T A F U C K I N G K E E N E AND M E and now im fucking panicking bc????? what else am i supposed to do????

 **bev!!** : also side note I looked cute as hell wtf

 **bev!!** : _[cuteashell.jpg]_

 **titty toucher #2** : wow im dating that :’)

 **average dicky** : wow im tapping that :’)

 **titty toucher #2** : ew,,,,,,,, s e x

 **bev!!** : OKAY ANYWAYS so we go into this fuckin closet thats decked the fuck out like it has christmas lights and a bean bag chair and??? a saved by the bell poster?????? and so were just chillin yknow its good and fresh and then shes like “well r u gonna be a pussy or r u gonna kiss me” and im like??? fiRSST of all you havnt wanted me near you EVER so why now?????? and shes like “bro stop being a bitcchhhhhh we gotta do this theyre gonna know if we dont”

 **bev!!** : so then like yknow as you do we started making out and

 **bev!!** : like

 **bev!!** : yknow how it is

 **asthma is homophobic** : did you fuck gretta keene

 **bev!!** : whaaaaaaaaa nooooooo

 **asthma is homophobic** : let me rephrase: wht did you have for dinner?

 **bev!!** : pussy

 **average dicky** : bevERLY M A R S H

 **bev!!** : ISSA JOKE BABE CALM DOWN I ONLY EAT ONE THING AND THATS DICK

 **titty toucher #2** : i’m having an aneurysm

 **average dicky** : i wanna go to one of grettas parties :(

 **Stan** : Bill, you don’t know Gretta.

 **average dicky** : i could if someone would introduce us i just wanna fight her a little

_**titty toucher #2** has changed their name to **ben**_

**ben** : wait hold on time out where’s Richie? This seems like his??? Element???

 **Stan** : Who’s on Richie watch?

 **bev!!** : oh!!! me!!!! im on richie watch!!

 **Stan** : Okay, then where is he?

 **bev!!** : so the thing is

 **Stan** : Oh no.

 **bev!!** : we were both having a really good time yknow and someone grabbed my hand and was taking me upstairs and the last time i saw him

 **asthma is homophobic** : great this is good so now bev and i are gonna have a fist fight thats good i love that.

 **bev!!** : its not MY FAUKT okay i have no control over myself when im fucked up

 **average dicky** : youre fucked up right now?

 **bev!!** : like??? just mostly

 **average dicky** : great im coming over

 **bev!!** : boi im HOME you know you cant come over

 **Stan** : Can we focus on something that isn’t your fucking relationship for five minutes, Bill?

 **average dicky** : you act like he doesnt disappear every other day

 **Stan** : Last time he disappeared he tried to kill himself.

 **average dicky** : all of us wanna die stan

 **average dicky** : its really nothing new

 **Stan** : Fuck off.

_**Stan** has left the chat_

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (1:50 am)_

**Manley Stanley** : Richie you can’t just keep disappearing like this.

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (2:13 am)_

**Manley Stanley** : Richie stop ignoring me.

  
_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (2:30 am)_

_**bev!!** has added **Stan** to the chat_

**bev!!** : hes not answering the phone guys

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (2:36 am)_

**Manley Stanley** : Richie answer the fucking phone, please.

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (3:00 am)_

**Manley Stanley** : Richie?

  
_**Manley Stanley** >>> **Mr. Yikes** (3:47 am)_

**Manley Stanley** : Richie please.

  
_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (3:50 am)_

**Stan** : So uh. I found him.

 **asthma is homophobic** : ???

 **Stan** : He’s either passed out or dead.

 **asthma is homophobic** : you cant tell the difference????????

 **Stan** : Well he’s freezing and his breath is too shallow to tell.

 **asthma is homophobic** : where the FUCK are you?????

 **Stan** : About ten feet from the kissing bridge. Well. We were there, now we’re in my car.

 **Stan** : How do his parents not care to find out where he is ever?

 **asthma is homophobic** : dude his mom cares a l o t she’s probably just asleep. His curfew is like 1 and she’s asleep by 10 every night.

 **Stan** : Jesus fuck how is he so light?

 **asthma is homophobic** : hes like 100 pounds soaking wet he doesn’t EAT stanley

 **Stan** : Jesus Christ okay I’ve got to go I’m driving.

 **asthma is homophobic** : stay safe!!

  
_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (12:13 pm)_

**Stan** : Fuck okay so Richie’s awake.

 **bev!!** : thats good

 **Stan** : Well yes it is good but he just told me that he sucked a guys dick for weed so I’m not sure how good good is.

 **bev!!** : oh

 **asthma is homophobic** : thats not... the best

 **average dicky** : it really isnt is he okay

 **Stan** : He doesn’t know where his phone is.

 **Stan** : No he just found it.

 **rich!!** : patricks cum tastes like eddies moms back sweat

 **asthma is homophobic** : bloCKED AN D REPORTED THANKS MOTHERFUKER SEE YOU IN COURT

 **rich!!** : calm down its not that bad

 **rich!!** : okay it was kinda bad i maybe 100% definitely did get fucked last night both physically and mentally BUT it was a little pleasant

 **bev!!** : im calling the police

 **ben** : hold on i just got here let me read the chat

 **ben** : holy shit what a RIDE that was

 **rich!!** : literally

 **bev!!** : not the time richie

 **rich!!** : nOt ThE tImE rIcHiE

 **asthma is homophobic** : wow i love my problematic family this is great

 **Stan** : It’s like that terrible show.

 **average dicky** : it r e a l l y is

 **rich!!** : anyways okay so there i was:

 **bev!!** : barbecue sauce on my titties

 **ben** : barbec

 **ben** : FUCK YOU BEAT ME TO IT

 **bev!!** : :’) love u

 **rich!!** : AN Y W A Y S there i was walking home w patrick and i asked if i could get some weed and he said yeah i was like cool but can i pay you back and he went fuLL OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB

 **asthma is homophobic** : holy shit you weeb

 **Stan** : Are you talking about the episode where the one with glasses tells her she can pay him for lobsters with her body?

 **rich!!** : yes exactly!!! i think its episode 8???

 **Stan** : I think so too.

 **rich!!** : okay so anyways he was like “yeah you can get it for free if you suck my dick right here right now” and i was fucked up obvi so i was like “oh hell yeah” and i just

 **asthma is homophobic** : you just sucked his dick mhm keep going

 **rich!!** : yeah so i just sucked his dick and he was like “here u go bb” and i said thanks and then he was like “yknow i have some other stuff too” and i was like “oh shit how do i get that then????” and long story short i got fucked in his nasty ass truck and now im carrying enough xanax and coke to kill and then revive a small country in africa

 **bev!!** : im sorry he sells coke now????

 **rich!!** : i mean just a lot

 **asthma is homophobic** : richIE DONT DO THIS YOURE NOT STEVIE NICKS

 **rich!!** : im seLLING THE COKE OKA Y

  
_**bevelicious** >>> **bitchie** (1:52 pm)_

**bevelicious** : hey bud

 **bitchie** : im out of antidepressants bev

 **bevelicious** : nahhhh

 **bitchie** : oh

 **bitchie** : o h

  
_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (1:54 pm)_

**rich!!** : BEVERLY IS TRYING TO BUY DRUGS FROM ME

 **bev!!** : wO W WAY TO CALL A GIRL OUT

 **average dicky** : HE HAS TO GET A REFILL ON ADDERALL I ALREADY ASKED

 **asthma is homophobic** : wait do you have any antidepressants then??

 **rich!!** : no i ran out yesterday my mom is picking them up tomorrow

 **Stan** : How fucking many of you are buying drugs from Richie?

 **bev!!** : _[handup.jpg]_

 **asthma is homophobic** : _[handup.jpg]_

 **average dicky** : _[handup.jpg]_

 **ben** : mike is too but he got grounded so he cant use his phone

 **rich!!** : gretta also is

 **Stan** : Richie you’re going to have an overdose party and it’ll just be me and Ben then and I can’t take this constant cycle of niceness

 **rich!!** : a boys gotta make his cash somehow stanley

 **Stan** : In that case I would also like some antidepressants please and thank you.

 **ben** : sTAN N O I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE OFF DRUGS

 **Stan** : MY PARENTS DONT BELIEVE IN MENTAL ILLNESS NO ONE WILL TAKE ME TO A PSYCHIATRIST I NEED THIS

 **bev!!** : we broke stan what the fuck


	3. thats not a coyote thats MOTHMAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello internet, my name is Grace and today I am going to roast myself with a diss track:
> 
> (Fuck I just hit myself in the face, okay. Let's- let's do this.)
> 
> A month without uploaded she comes back with a tag  
> That no one even tagged her in  
> She's not a challenge to drag (ouch)  
> So prepare for an attack  
> And by that I mean cringe (oh)  
> Cause the motherfuckers about to get  
> Dragged by her terrible time management skills, lack of motivation, low pay, and loss of ability to write anything coherent
> 
>  
> 
> Two uploads???? In one day????? Is the old grace back????????
> 
> Probably not but we can be hopeful

_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (3:53 pm)_

 

 **Richie** : so idk if anyone cares but uhmmmm bev and i are v e r y high and i dont know where we are :^)

 

 **Stan** : You don’t know where you are?

 

 **Richie** : so we decided to go on a walk yknow bc she doesnt wanna get high @ work and i was like shit okay lets go on another hike

 

 **Eddie** : as you do

 

 **Richie** : right as we do

 

 **Richie** : so yeah so we went on our hike and like idk i guess we just got distracted?????? idk bitch were somewhere near the barrens i think but i have n o c l u e its like literally just the fucking poor ass part of town like were out in bowers country rn I think

 

 **Bill** : turn ur snapmap on dumbass

 

 **Richie** : oh shit tru

 

 **Bill** : ummmm where the fuck are you?????

 

 **Richie** : we went over this billiam

 

 **Eddie** : okay so like go on your snapmap and zoom in and like scroll around until you see a lake??? like its up and to the right a little bit

 

 **Richie** : okay yeah

 

 **Richie** : okay we got to the lake thing

 

 **Eddie** : okay so you need to go up from there and then youre gonna get to farris

 

 **Richie** : ur such a good friend none of these bitches wanna HELP ME

 

 **Stan** : I’m in a fight with Bev at the moment.

 

 **Richie** : bc you wanna keep talking abt her private life!!!!! thats HER business my man

 

 **Stan** : I want to help her?

 

 **Richie** : we all do slut!!!! But u dont need 2 be all up in her shit all the time its hard to talk abt for some people

 

 **Stan** : Oh God forbid we can’t all be open books like you.

 

 **Eddie** : this is why she hates u rn dumbass

 

 **Stan** : _[eyeroll.gif]_

 

 **Eddie** : shut up im out until rich knows where he is

 

 

_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (4:36 pm)_

 

 **Richie** : holy shit

 

 **Richie** : holyshitholghitsholgrhist

 

 **Eddie** : ???!

 

 **Richie** : theresafuckungcyoresndutseatijgadere

 

 **Stan** : I’m sorry what was that?

 

 **Eddie** : there’s a fucking coyote and it’s eating a deer?????

 

 **Richie** : uhhhuhuhuhuh

 

 **Stan** : Huh. I didn’t know we had coyotes here.

 

 **Richie** : whom the fuck do i call to get this bitch out of here?????

 

 **Bill** : just fuckin,,,,,,,,, yeet it into a river

 

 **Ben** : okay so that’s NOT a good plan

 

 **Ben** : just try going around it

 

 **Richie** : iTS LOOKI N G A T U S

 

 **Richie** : bevs a fuckin cunt bro she just threw rocks at it until it left i love her and now were married 4 real

 

 

_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (5:30 pm)_

 

 **Richie** : oh lmao thnx 4 not checking in just so u all know it was a hallucination and not an actual coyote

 

 **Eddie** : who would you know?????

 

 **Richie** : umm??????? bc i dropped my wallet and had to go back???????

 

 **Stan** : That doesn’t explain how it wasn’t a coyote?

 

 **Richie** : theres n o t h i n g here so it wasnt real + i took a picture of it and!!!! boom bb nothin

 

 **Richie** : _[boombbnothin.jpg]_

 

 **Stan** : I wish it would have eaten you

 

 **Richie** : :o

 

 

_**teen suicide: dont do it!** (6:15 pm)_

 

 **Richie** : can someone come over and kick bevs ass at wii sports 4 me?????? i s u c k apparently

 

 **Bill** : omw hoes

 

 **Beverly** : yes bitch take me on we playin street rules strip wii sports up in here!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Eddie** : imHERE bitch open the door

 

_**Richie** changed the chat name to **bev: wii**_ _**sports master** _

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (7:19 pm)_

 

 **Beverly** : [kickingrichieintheface.vid]

 

 **Ben** : haha nice babe i love u <3

 

 **Eddie** : ,,,,,nast y

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (8:19 am)_

 

 **Beverly** : when the f u c k was i fucked up enough to sign up for team sports

 

 **Bill** : ??whom??

 

 **Beverly** : _[derrydestroyersvolleyballroster.jpg]_

 

 **Eddie** : okay so like we didnt have enough players and i said u were really good but u were out of town so u couldnt try out but u would def deliver

 

 **Ben** : also you were a cheerleader for a while??? so you could totally get back into that too???? throwback thursday honey!!!!

 

 **Beverly** : baby,,,,,, i love u,,,,,,,, but n o

 

 **Richie** : u were a cheerleader

 

 **Ben** : _[yeahbitchshewas.jpg]_

 

 **Eddie** : is that,,,,,,,, is that g r e t a???????

 

 **Beverly** : idONT WANNA T. A L K ABT IT

 

 **Richie** : u were a cheerleader W G R E T A

 

 **Beverly** : we were buds before i glowed up and quIT SPORTS OKAY

 

 **Eddie** : but anyways yeah you should join the team!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Beverly** : B R U H I HAVENT PLAYED SINCE WE WERE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

 

 **Eddie** : bUT YOU CL UL D GET A SCHOLARHSIP

 

 **Bill** : free money????? for school!!!!???? id suck a dick for that

 

 **Stan** : You wouldn’t get within 15 feet of a dick if I had a gun to your head.

 

 **Bill** : ????????i mean im straight but i wouldnt die for it

 

 **Richie** : ur 100% not straight

 

 **Beverly** : ummmm idk who u think u are but he most def is straight

 

 **Bill** : im straight

 

 **Eddie** : youre in a relationship,,,,,, with a man,,,,,,

 

 **Ben** : i think we kinda set it up as were both dating bev and shes dating us but were not dating each other

 

 **Eddie** : then youre not,,,,, poly,,,,,,,

 

 **Beverly** : yah we are?????

 

 **Eddie** : hoe???? <https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/amp19664033/polyamory-vs-open-relationships/>

 

 **Richie** : hoe!!!!

 

 **Beverly** : ,,,,,,,,,ill consider this a win on your end kaspbrak i will play volleyball w u losers

 

 **Eddie** : thANK Y O U EVERYONE ON THE TEAM S U C K S WE NEED A LEADER

 

 **Beverly** : youre good at volleyball tho?????

 

 **Eddie** : yeah but im a shitty team captain

 

 **Beverly** : tru okay ill go o shit do i still fit in the uniform tho lmao

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (8:33 am)_

 

 **Beverly** : _[hoeitfits.jpg]_

 

 **Richie** : canibeapartofthisrelationship

 

 **Bill** : h-hewwo? bewv :3c can wichie be in ouw welationswip OwO

 

 **Beverly** : _[kickingbillinthehead.vid]_

 

 **Bill** : ill do anything fow you ms bewv pwease say wes

 

 **Beverly** : then perish

 

 **Beverly** : _[thenperish.jpg]_

 

 **Bill** : D:

 

 **Richie** : i changed my mind i want my dick no where near that situation

 

 **Bill** : D:!!!!

 

 **Richie** : kiww youwsewf :3c

 

 **Eddie** : W O A H OKAY BACK UP

 

 **Stan** : Way too far, Richie.

 

 **Beverly** : WE DONT NEED THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD!!!!

 

 **Bill** : begone

 

 **Bill** : **T H O T**

 

_**Bil** l has removed **Richie** from the chat_


	4. sports (the musical)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m at work as always so I’ll be editing this during my break/when I get home!

_**bev: wii sports master** (6:19 pm)_

 

 **Bev** : so have any of u seen the kissing booth

 

 **Richie** : you mean the best movie of all time??? yeah

 

 **Bill** : who added u back to the chat??

 

 **Bev** : anyways: i was just watching it again and i realized that the chick looks like a fuckin blob fish and i LOVE HER

 

 **Stan** : She was in the Conjuring when she was younger and, just for the record, she didn’t look like a blob fish then.

 

 **Richie** : ya shes a hot blob fish

 

 **Richie** : blob on my knob

 

 **Bev** : s to p you h e a t h e n

 

 **Richie** : like corn on the cob

 

 **Bev** : disgustuang

 

 **Richie** : check in w me

 

 **Bill** : and do ur job!!!!!!

 

 **Bev** : O U T

 

 **Bill** : :(

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (10:02 pm)_

 

 **Eddie** : who the f u c k did it

 

 **Bev** : ?

 

 **Eddie** : who the F U C K PUT ME ON YOUTUBE

 

 **Bev** : mike LINK

 

 **Richie** : so like

 

 **Eddie** : oHHHHH MY G O D I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT A S LU T I HATE YOU

 

 **Richie** : B R U H UR SO GOOD THO WHY THE FUCK WOULDNT I PUT U ON THE TUBE

 

 **Mike** : _[eddiesingingandbevplayingguitar.vid]_

 

 **Stan** : How do you find things so quickly?

 

 **Mike** : I have literally nothing but time on my hands

 

 **Bev** : bro i look really good in that video

 

 **Ben** : it’s because you’re the best and the cutest!!!!!

 

 **Bev** : awweewwewsaeskdhfooabwjf :):):):) <3<3<3

 

 **Ben** : :)

 

 **Eddie** : hi back to me

 

 **Eddie** : can it be my day to try and kill myself or is that only a richie and stan thing

 

 **Richie** : N O T A L L O W E D

 

 **Eddie** : youre all M O N S T E R S

 

 **Bill** : if anything were the monstars from space jam

 

 **Eddie** : do you think i dont know what the fuck the monstars are you behemoth? get your freckled dick O U T OF MY HOME

 

 **Mike** : w o a h looks like we have a baddie on our hands

 

 **Bev** : b r u h u sound good idk what the problem is here

 

 **Eddie** : :( im like the knock-off troye sivan

 

 **Bev** : ya an hes livin life he probabs doesnt even know what yt is anymore

 

 **Eddie** : :(

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (10:53 am)_

 

 **Mike** : okay for context I’ve never seen space jam and i just looked it up because you guys talk about it all the time

 

 **Mike** : why the FUCK are the looney tunes playing basketball

 

 **Richie** : i abandoned the chat until eds calms down but im back how the fuck havent you seen space jam

 

 **Mike** : idk I have better things to do w my time?

 

 **Richie** : youre coming over immediately i already have it in the player

 

 **Mike** : you,,,,,,,,, own a DVD player in 2018?

 

 **Richie** : y a and a vhs player i wanna watch my scooby doo in peace is that a problem

 

 **Eddie** : he watches his dads weird 80s porn with it dont be fooled

 

 **Bill** : BITCH THATS N A S T Y WHY THE F U C K WOULD YOU WANNA WATCH 80S PORN

 

 **Richie** : i like their mustaches it really adds to the atmosphere

 

 **Eddie** : theres some cinematic mastery in those movies

 

 **Bill** : nasty nasty nasty

 

 **Stan** : Eddie why do you know that he watches them?

 

 **Eddie** : im not an idiot brother

 

 **Eddie** : no one has that many vhs porns and doesnt watch them

 

 **Eddie** : we watched them together

 

 **Ben** : I’m sorry what was that

 

 **Eddie** : he says its romantic

 

 **Eddie** : i love one (1) thing: dick

 

 **Stan** : Do you mean like... getting dick or Dick as in Richie

 

 **Eddie** : yes

 

 **Ben** : awe :)

 

 **Bill** : um

 

 **Bill** : eddie

 

 **Eddie** : mhm lil bitch

 

 **Bill** : are you,,,,,,,,,, at richies rn

 

 **Eddie** : dont call me out like this im giving back to the people

 

 **Mike** : oh my god im never coming over to watch space jam

 

 **Eddie** : if it makes you feel any better im never coming in general so like

 

 **Bill** : is richies dick really that mediocre

 

 **Eddie** : i dont let him TOUCH my dick

 

 **Eddie** : im not emotionally ready to get rawed like that

 

 **Ben** : so,,,,,, thats nasty but also you dont need to get rawed to have sex

 

 **Eddie** : ill be back in like ten minutes

 

 **Bill** : gro s s

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (12:46 pm)_

 

 **Bev** : so

 

 **Ben** : you’re back!!

 

 **Bev** : yeah im back anyways so i was at my soccer match earlier

 

 **Bev** : and um

 

 **Bev** : i swear to g o d i am not lying when i say i pulled a girls hair and she physically moaned out loud

 

 **Mike** : you play soccer and volleyball at the same time?

 

 **Bev** : ya and im on stans jewish youth sports baseball team too

 

 **Richie** : questions: how and why the fuck

 

 **Bev** : im poor asf and no one is paying for my college but me so i wanna get sports scholarships

 

 **Stan** : It’s a good plan to get money, it’s just sort of weird that you’re the only girl on the baseball and volleyball team.

 

 **Bev** : im sorry im the what on the volleyball team

 

 **Eddie** : :^)

 

 **Bev** : oooooooOOOOOOHHHHHH YM UOTOSOSHAHF I HAVE TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL WITH THAT H O E

 

 **Eddie** : b e v

 

 **Bev** : THAT B IIIIIITICHCH

 

 **Eddie** : I CANT MAKE HIM QUIT THE TEAM

 

 **Bev** : IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS AND THEN IM GONNA KICK H I S ASS

 

 **Richie** : dont kill him for pls my dick would be s a d

 

 **Eddie** : D: only your dick!!,!,!,!(????

 

 **Richie** : MY HEART TOO

 

 **Bill** : im sorry who was this person that you want to kill thats on the volleyball team

 

 **Eddie** : tom

 

 **Bev** : HES N A S T Y HE TRIED TO MAKE OUT WITH ME AT A PARTY ONE TIME AND S LU T SHAMED ME

 

 **Bev** : LIME OBVS INA FUCKIN SLUT BUT ITS MY BUSINESS HES MOT ALLOWED TO SAY IT

 

 **Richie** : i call you a slut all the time

 

 **Bev** : THATS DIFFERENT BC YOURE A L S O A SLUT AND WERE FRIENDS

 

 **Ben** : whom the heck decided you’re a slut

 

 **Mike** : ,,,,,,,,,i dont think youre a slut??????

 

 **Bill** : you have two boyfriends who love you?????

 

 **Mike** : ?????? that doesnt mean shes a slut???????? plus ben doesnt have his dick out bills literally the only person uve ever fucked

 

 **Bev** : ummmm idont actually

 

 **Bev** : but also like have you,?,,,,, never heard anyone talk to me? it doesnt matter what I say it matters what everyone else thinks

 

 **Stan** : Well, none of us think you’re a slut so it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks.

 

 **Bev** : ,,,,,,,i have to wear sporty booty shorts and a tight ass shirt everyday for months with all of these M E N who think im easy

 

 **Bev** : it matters SO MUCH what people other than you guys think

 

 **Bill** : it really doesnt just tell them to fuck off

 

 **Bev** : oh my god holy shit is this really the life im living????? you cant just tell them to fuck off????? it didnt work when i was fucking 13 its not gonna work now????

 

 **Bev** : its like people get this idea of me in their heads and they just cant get rid of it no matter what i do and its not like its getting any better as im getting older

 

 **Bev** : and like its not a big deal to me what people think of me if theyre like young like us but old people are fucking m e a n i physically cannot make myself go into half the stores in the mall because the people who work there hate me because theyre kids tell them about how im a huge slut all the time!!!!!!!!

 

 **Bev** : i :) hate :) being :) a :) girl :)

 

 **Ben** : :( I’m sorry I never knew that it was such a big deal for you

 

 **Richie** : i wont call you a slut anymore

 

 **Bev** : no!!!! you can totally call me a slut if you want to!!!!! because thats not the point at all!!!!!

 

 **Bev** : i can totally live with my friends calling me a slut in an ENDEARING way and i dont really care that much anymore about other people calling me a slut its just the l o o k s and the people talking about it but like

 

 **Bev** : idk its not even a big deal anymore i dont care its fine if he touches me im gonna stab him with my keys

 

 **Eddie** : i LOVE that for you henney

 

 **Mike** : eddie youre not Jonathan Vaness stop spelling it like that

 

 **Eddie** : i love him sm tho his hair is so fancy and nice

 

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (4:03 pm)_

 

 **Eddie** : nicole kidman could punch me in the face and i would say thank you

 

 **Mike** : ???

 

 **Eddie** : <https://youtu.be/-B71eyB_Onw>

 

 **Stan** : Wow.

 

 **Stan** : It’s almost like... I’ve lived that!!!

 

 **Bill** : youve been to conversion therapy?????

 

 **Mike** : am I,,,,, the only one that’s ever listened to anything stan says??

 

 **Ben** : I knew all of this

 

 **Bev** : yeah no weve been knowing

 

 **Bill** : where are

 

 **Bill** : o h

 

 

_**bev: wii sports master** (5:16 pm)_

 

 **Richie** : im sorry im back the ass was GREAT

 

 **Richie** : i didntknow u were gay s o

 

 **Eddie** : hold on hold on hold on back the fuck up

 

 **Eddie** : what do you m e a n you dont have two boyfriends

 

 **Bev** : look at the TIME ive gotta go make dindin

 

 **Eddie** :B R U H DO NOT

 

 **Ben** : we had a talk and decided that neither of us were very happy with the relationship anymore so we broke up

 

 **Bev** : ya but were like still reallyreallyreally the very best of friends tho so dont be concerned for the friend group

 

 **Eddie** : well as long as you guys are happier thats all that matters

 

 **Richie** : benverly is dead and it makes me sad:(

 

 **Mike** : Stan,,,,,,,,, don’t you have a girlfriend?

 

 **Stan** : She’s more like just someone I do stuff with so my parents are happy.

 

 **Stan** : It’s just sort of a bonus that she’s nice and kinda pretty and Jewish.

 

 **Richie** : patty can,,, like,,,,, get it

 

 **Stan** : Under no circumstances should you ever touch or talk to her, Richie Tozier, she is soft and will be heartbroken if you look at her.

 

 **Richie** : i can be gentle

 

 **Stan** : Your gentleness is like my straightness.

 

 **Stan** : Forced in public.


End file.
